Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
