I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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