I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
