i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
