So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
MIDGETS
????
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
