My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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