He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
