he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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