So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
