i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
