I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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