I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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