It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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