i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Are we still banned from the library?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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