The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
