I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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