I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i think my cat just said my name.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
