i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
