see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
