Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
