I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
