is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
