Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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