two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
