the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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