i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
