He is such a slut. More and more my type.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
