apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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