What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
