from now on my penis is your penis
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i think i just lost a toe
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
