she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
