he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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