she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
