I wanna bring you to show and tell
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
