This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
