I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We're too hungover to prance.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
