The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
