but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
