dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
