Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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