I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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