Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The air was thick with penises
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
