Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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