My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
