I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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