so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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