It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
