Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
