eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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