Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
