Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
