I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Moan for me like Helen Keller
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
