These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
