Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
